Our Birth Story - View from the other side

As I'm attempting to encourage the now 6+ week-old Celeste to go to sleep, the story I'm about to write seems to have happened a lifetime ago, but in reality, less than two months have passed.

On Monday, November 5, at 5:30PM (EST), as I was walking to the train station from work, I received a call from Alicia. She sounded really nervous, and told me that despite Dr. G's predictions that Celeste will not come for a little while longer, she's just not sure how long she can hold off! The contractions were strong, and Alicia didn't know what to make of them. I asked her to please go back to the doc, and have him check her. In the mean time, I hurried home, and told Mike that we need to change our travel plans. Mike must have been shocked at the prospect of becoming a father earlier than anticipated, and asked me what I feel, is the silliest question of all: "How likely is Alicia to give birth before Thursday"? (we were due to fly in on Thursday night). I requested that he call Alicia right away, and ask that very same question, as I was dying to hear her response!

Without wasting time, we drove on over to the airport, found a supervisor at the Continental Airlines desk, and explained the whole story to him, begging him to change our tickets, which he did, and the following morning, at 8:40AM, we took off for San Diego! My only thoughts were: "hang on Celeste!!!". When we landed, Alicia was still very much pregnant (whew!).

I will not duplicate Alicia's description of our numerous walks at Balboa Park, or running through the hospital grounds, in order to evict Celeste, I will just post a few photos.













Driving up to the hospital for the last time!


As we were getting admitted into the hospital, we were all talking about how cool it would be to have Celeste be born today. Besides the obvious excitement of finally seeing our little princess's face, there was the added neatness of the date, especially when written in military form: 07Nov07! The admitting doctor was less optimistic than we were though, that the baby would come on that day.

Skipping down to the labor... Even though I was not the one experiencing the contractions, I could tell that they were excruciatingly painful. Alicia was shaking all over, not finding a comfortable place, attempting to bounce, fidget, shifting weight from one leg to another. At her request, I was rubbing her lower back hard, until my palms felt like they were on fire! Still, all through the checks, Alica was not dilated 10 centimeters. With each check I was devastated, as I was really hoping to get this over with as soon as possible, and alleviate all the pain Alicia was experiencing. Finally, at about 11:30PM, Alicia felt the need to push! All I remember, is our nurse running out to get the doctor, and saying "don't push!!!". Next thing I know, a doctor came into our room (all the instruments were already set up), and as he was fumbling to put a delivery robe on (which needed to be tied in the back, but wasn't, as there was simply no time!) he got into position to catch Celeste. Before I knew it, I saw the head come out, and a few seconds later, the body was out as well! Throughout the delivery I was holding Alicia's right hand, and after Celeste was out, I could still feel Alicia shake -- the nurses explained to me that this was normal, and was caused by the extreme adrenaline and other hormones, but it still alarmed me. Alicia kept on shaking for a while.

The next 3 weeks were wonderful. We stayed with Alicia and her family, in their home, and everybody helped out with Celeste, even the boys, who hugged and kissed her from head to toe, every chance they got! Alicia's mom seemed to have been awake and eager to help at every hour of the night, and even encouraged us to go out, while she babysat for us. I am eternally grateful for the amount of help, advice and support we received from everyone!


It was really difficult for us to leave San Diego, but finally November 30th came around, and we got on the plane, to return to New Jersey. Less than one year passed since the day we first laid eyes on a photo of Alicia, Felix and the boys, but how our lives have changed! The "surrogacy journey" was completed, but as any meaningful experience in life, it opened a number of new doors: We made amazing friends for life; we shared an unforgettable Thanksgiving holiday with the F's; and of course, we became parents!

My version of our Birth Story!

It all started on Monday, Nov 5th when Dr. G stripped my membranes. I started having strong contractions all day, and my Mom and I thought it was the real thing for sure. I called Irene to let her know that I was having some pretty painful contractions that felt like they were getting closer together as well as more painful. They weren't due to fly in until later on in the week on Thursday night, and I didn't want them to arrive too late. Irene wanted me to go back up to the doctor and see if he would be willing to check me and see if anything had changed, so off we went.

I explained to Dr. G that I had been contracting almost since my appointment that morning, and it felt like it could be the real thing, and they were getting more painful. He checked me and said I was pretty much the same thing as that morning, not much change, and I only had a 5% chance of delivering her that week. Also, explained to me that when he stripped my membranes earlier that morning that it would cause painful "false" contractions. I was thinking well, why didn't he tell me that sooner?

So, I called Irene and let her know, and they decided to go ahead and change their flight to Tuesday morning. Tuesday morning they were on one of the first flights out. They arrived close to noon. I then told Celeste she was free to arrive at any time she felt ready because her parents had made it. I was so worried they were going to miss her arrival. While waiting for their plane to come in, my Mom and I took a little morning walk, and went and had a pedicure and manicure. I kept a joke going that Celeste wouldn't come if my feet weren't pretty for the doctor, LOL.

We picked Mike and Irene up at the airport around noon. Celeste and I were starving, so we all went for lunch at Olive Garden. For once I knew what we wanted, and could actually make up my mind. At Olive Garden, I ordered unlimited soup and salad. I couldn't believe how much I ate. I just ate and ate and ate. I sure was feeling it when I got up to leave. We decided to go do some walking and try to get things moving. After all, I had ate enough spicy soup. I became really tired and just wanted to come home and go to bed.

I ended up going to bed pretty early around 7:30/8 pm I think. I woke up about 2 am with some mild period like cramps. I heard my Mom was up and moving around so I got up and told her what I was feeling. We decided to go walking around the neighborhood at 2:30 in the morning to see if we could get things to progress further. We walked until the sun came up. We came back in and my Mom woke up Irene with "we are going to have a baby." Irene jumped up off the couch from a deep sleep all in a panic wondering what was going on. I couldn't believe everyone in the house had slept through my Mom and my giggles, banging pots around in the kitchen (we were cooking apple crisp), using the garbage disposal, and coming in and out the back door. We even sat upstairs using the computer cracking jokes and laughing our butts off and no one ever woke up.

So after Mom had woke up Irene, we let her know what was going on. Everyone began getting up, showered and dressed. I was having some more contractions, and we decided to leave and go to Balboa Park to continue walking. I didn't want to labor in the hospital, so I thought Balboa Park being right next door to the hospital would be a perfect place to walk in case labor started happening quickly like my last delivery (total 4 1/2 hours, only 16 minutes at the hospital). Definitely didn't want to get caught up in rush hour and me be in labor. So after walking awhile and feeling a few nice contractions, we decided just to go over the hospital and have them check me to see how things were. We waited in the waiting room for a bit just to get called back and find out we were still a 2. :( How sad after feeling quite a bit of something going on.

Well, after that saddening news, we decided just to go back to the house. After using the bathroom, and finding yet more mucous plug, more excitement overcame us, as we thought the moment was getting closer. I rocked on the birthing ball a little bit, and breathed through my contractions. They started feeling very strong and coming pretty close together. Mike and Irene thought it would be best just to go back to the hospital and have them check me again. We got back to the hospital and I had a time walking into the hospital and up to the third floor with the way the contractions were coming. We get there, they remembered us from earlier, and just said I needed a recheck. Within a few minutes, they took us back to check me and was told there was only a slight change, I was now maybe a 3. :( I couldn't believe it. With all the pain I was feeling, how could something not be happening? I guess things were happening, just not fast enough for my liking.

Instead of leaving the hospital this time, and going back home, we decided to hang out around the hospital since it is such a huge place and just walk around there. We walked around outside but it was a little nippy to me, so we decided to go inside the hallways and walk. We walked around and around. We rested at the McDonalds in the hospital (I know, strange) ate some beef jerky and some chocolate peanuts. I had some contractions, but not ones I couldn't handle. We walked some more, and came back sat down again. The final time we left McDonalds, Irene and I started power walking, pretty much a slow run up and down the sloped hallways. I couldn't believe I was walking through the contractions I was having. At one point, I couldn't take them much more, and we went back up to L&D. We were getting close to the entrance doors, and I got a pretty painful contraction that put me in tears. So, when I went through the doors, they didn't waste any time getting me in a room and checked me again. I was going to lose it if they told me any more bad news. She said you are now a 4 1/2, pushing a 5, we can go ahead and admit you. It is now 4:35 pm on Wednesday the 7th.

They got me into a room, had me change into a gown, hooked me up to the monitors. Celeste sounded great. Contractions were coming, I had a couple hours of steady contractions, then around 6:30/7 pm, contractions just stopped. They talked to us about breaking my water or giving me pitocin to help things get moving again. They said they had a time limit of how long things should take and I couldn't just keep sitting there doing nothing, or we could end up needing a c-section. So around 10 pm, they finally got in and broke my water. Around 10:30pm, contractions were coming strong, and much more painful than any of the ones I had felt all day. Irene was rubbing my back, and when I would have a contraction, I would tell her harder harder harder (boy was I wishing I hadn't yelled harder, after the delivery and up until the end of the first week). I had Mike's hand to hold and squeeze through my contractions. During one contraction I squeezed his hand so hard, I think he thought I was going to break his hand off. I kind of had forgot I had his hand to squeeze while in the midst of all the pain and finally started using it :)

Around 10:30 they checked me and I was only a 8. I was begging to be a 10 so I could push and get all the pain over with. Again, I couldn't believe I still wasn't at a 10 and ready. My body seemed to be dilating so slowly to me, and just wasn't cooperating the whole day. Sometime in this time frame, I began to feel sick, and knew I was going to throw up. I was standing next to the bed leaning over at this point. I yelled for a bed pan, and before I knew it I was throwing up in my bed. I threw up two or three times, and then felt a little better with the feeling sick to my stomach part, but the contractions were still kicking my butt.

They started asking me if I needed to push, so I thought about it for a minute and realized when I was having a contraction, I was not only trying to hold my breath, I felt like I was holding her in with the way I was doing my body. So I started going with my urge to push when I would have a contraction. The nurse mentioned that I was getting close, and should go ahead and get back in bed. I didn't really want to get back in bed because I felt like I had a hard time getting through the contractions while laying down. Standing up allowed me to wiggle, squirm, sway, stomp my feet, whatever. They started breaking down the bed, getting my feet in the stirrups (which I couldn't lift up for anything, and was yelling at the nurse, "I can't, DAMNIT!"), the doctor came in and was getting suited up, nurses were everywhere. All I knew was I needed to push, and I wasn't stopping for anything. My Mom kept telling me if you need to push, push! My nurse was telling me to wait for everyone to be ready, but I had hurt long enough. I was getting Miss Celeste out and into her parents arms. I heard Irene say she could see her head, and knew I didn't have much to go, so I pushed with my next contraction, and her head was out. The doctor said to stop pushing and he removed the cord from around her neck. I resumed pushing with one little push, and out she came into the world at 11:36pm. I tore a little, and needed one stitch.

Within the next few hours, they moved us into a regular post partum room. Mike, Irene, Celeste and I all roomed in together. I nursed Celeste for the first three days to insure she received the best thing possible for her - colostrum! We came home from the hospital on Friday the 9th. I started pumping breastmilk on Saturday evening, the 10th. Mike and Irene took home a huge cooler full of the milk I had pumped. They stayed with us til the morning of Nov 30th when we took them to the airport to head home and show Celeste off to family and friends. A lot of people ask about this, but I had no problems with attachment with Celeste. I never got the maternal bond instinct with her. I guess I prepared myself from the beginning knowing she wasn't mine. Even the boys had no problems, they knew all along that baby Celeste was Mike and Irene's baby. Seeing how happy she has made her parents was something I set out on this journey for.